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Monday, February 8, 2010
Imaginary Shopping Spree: Laura Jane's Summer Uniform, Hopefully, Among Other Things
I WOULD LIKE TO OWN THE EXACT OUTFIT ERIN WASSON IS WEARING ON PAGE 61 OF THE PORTUGAL-THEMED J.CREW CATALOG, AMONG OTHER THINGS
Today is February 8th, and that is very good news to me, because it means that springtime is just around the corner! This is the home stretch of winter. All we have to get through is the rest of crappy February, which is short for a REASON (because it blows, and the people who made the months up recognized that, and we all owe those month-makers a sincere and resounding THANK YOU). And March always sucks way harder than I want it to, but it's undeniably warmer than January, and then April is pretty decent, and then it's MAY! And then JUNE, JULY, and AUGUST!!! And I don't want to talk about what happens after August. Tragic, terrible stuff. My point, I think, is that this is the exact perfect time of the year to begin thinking about Summer Fashion Concepts.
We keep a copy of the Portugal-themed J.Crew catalog on my kitchen table, so I look at it about fifteen times a day, if not more. Which is how, and why, I figured out that the following outfit:
Is going to be my Summer 2010 Summer Uniform. The black vest, the black shirt, and the jean shorts, I mean. And then sometimes I will swap the black shirt for a white v-neck, throw on a gold necklace or three, eat a grape popsicle, and then wear these shorts:
Which are from Page 47. More importantly, I have recently arrived at the extremely important conclusion that, this coming spring-through-summer of calendrical 2010, I will wear extremely high-heeled shoes approximately eight days a week, give or take a day. Any of the following will do:
None of which are from the J.Crew catalog. I will wear these shoes, and I will never trip or fall while wearing them. My poise will blow your mind. "She's A Woman" by the Beatles will play cosmically in the background whenever I walk into a room, and all life will feel like the opening scene of The Girl Can't Help It. Not that I've ever seen The Girl Can't Help It, I just know about it from the Beatles Anth. But yeah. Milk bottles will explode, among other things. Exploding. (LJ)
Tags: J.Crew on J.Crack, Laura Loves the Beatles, summer, The Girl Can't Help It, things exploding
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+ Posted by Laura in Imaginary Shopping Spree | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (1)
BREAKING NEWS: ELIZABETH BARKER OF NOGOODFORME.COM TO WED RINGO STARR'S ADORABLE SON
(L to R: Zak and his mom and dad, Zak dreamily wondering what's for dinner at the Barker/Starkey house tonight, Zak and my future godgrandfather Keith Moon.)
WOW WHATTA GAME HUH????? I ate at least four big cookies, drank some really complicated beer, wore a $3 sweatshirt with a big hole in it, and - most importantly - met the boy I'm gonna marry. His name's Zak Starkey and he's in The Who. His dad's this guy called Ringo, who invented the USB. He's a Virgo and he used to play drums for Oasis and his godfather's Keith Moon, and that's about all I know about him except that (a) he makes lots of Stupid Drumming Faces, which doesn't get in the way of the fact that (b) he's So Totally Adorable and (c) we are absolutely positively without-a-doubt MFEO. I celebrated that last revelation by getting my ass kicked at Wii Bowling, and then coming home and posting photos of Zak on my Facebook, including that supercute shot in the middle. (Awwww...)
Anyway: something you may not know is that today's not Superbowl Sunday but Superstarr Sunday, partly due to the fact that Ringo's getting his star on the Walk of Fame tomorrow but mostly because of that beautiful Ringo Rising! post LJ wrote this morning, and also cuz of that whole thing about me and Zak falling madly in love with each other at the Superbowl halftime. For me, the most special part of Superstarr Sunday was realizing how it's so hard to be a mopey moody loser when Ringo's humbly dominating your day. And after Google-image-searching the hell out of Zak, I re-read/-listened to my Heavy Rotation post on "I'm the Greatest" by Daddy Ringo Warbucks and then gave myself a hearty pat on the back for knocking that shit outta the park in a serious way. Somebody pour a bucket of Gatorade on my head or sumthin'.
Tags: Barker loves the Beatles, cookies, Keith Moon, love, Ringo Starr, Superstarr Sunday, Wii Bowling, Zak Starkey
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+ Posted by Liz in Love | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (1)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Beatles Photo of the Week: Ringo Rising
LJ: These days, I am terrifically intrigued by the dynamics and emotional composition of what I call "secondary Beatles relationships." Secondary Beatles Relationships are all the Beatles-relationships that aren't John Lennon & Paul McCartney. John Lennon & Paul McCartney are a "primary Beatles relationship." A "tertiary Beatles relationship" would be, say, John Lennon & Neil Aspinall, or George Harrison & Brian Epstein. Paul and the Maharishi, even. The most baffling secondary Beatles relationship is definitely George & Paul, AKA the hugest enigma of all time. I seriously can't imagine these two men sitting in a room together and talking about anything. It makes no sense and I gather that dour old George didn't like Paul very much at all, but who's counting? I am. Moving along...
John & Ringo. What a tremendous pair! It's nice, to reflect upon all that Ringo was for John. The greatest bro, who will always be there to light your cigarette, who's cigarette you (John) want- no, need- to light right back. It made John happy, to grant Ringo such kindnesses. Ringos are the great touchstones of Lennon-esque existence.
After zodiac signs, the most important thing you need to figure out about any single human being you meet is what Beatles archetype they fulfil. Watch the sweet, satisfied smile spread across my face upon realizing that I'm in a Beatles-balanced group of four. It feels so safe, so right. But sometimes there are overlaps. Sometimes, there are two Johns in a group of four, and one of those Johns (never me, though) is forced to take on the role of a different Beatle. Nine times out of ten, the errant John will become the group's Ringo. This is so interesting! I think it's fair to say that the Beatles are more like astrology than I initially thought, in that the Beatle you are is the Beatles equivalent to your sun sign. But then, I think, everyone deserves a Moon Beatle and a Beatle Rising, and you may as well make them different from your Sun Beatle, to shake life up a bit. I'm a John with my moon in Paul, Ringo Rising. Ringo Rising! Such a gift. Hey, Barker, what are you???
LIZ:: Obviously I'm a Paul with my moon in John, George rising. But my moon's in Ringo, too, I realized just after typing that very reactionary sentence. So, I am a double moon. What fun!
Speaking of fun, right now the radio's playing "What's Wrong With Ringo?" by the Bon-Bons. Speaking of even more fun than that: should I go try to see Ringo get his star on the Walk of Fame tomorrow?
Tags: astrology, Barker loves the Beatles, Beatles astrology, double moons, John Lennon, Laura loves the Beatles, radio, Ringo Rising, Ringo Starr, The Beatles, the Bon-Bons, the Hollywood Walk of Fame
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Friday, February 5, 2010
Motivational Jay-Z Lyric of the Week: 02.01- 02.07
"Either love me, or leave me alone."
-Jay-Z, "Public Service Announcement"
Tags: Jay-Z, motivation, Motivational Jay-Z Lyric of the Week, song lyrics, The Black Album
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+ Posted by Laura in Motivational Jay-Z Lyric of the Week | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (3)
Snapshot: Listening, Watching, Reading, Wearing, Wanting
+ Kat
Listening: R.E.M., Automatic for the People and Murmur; Vampire Weekend, Contra (I want to really not like this, but I think it's okay); Beach House, Teen Dream (which is really good); and Daryl Hall & John Oates, which is kind of the best stuff ever, really.
Watching: Episodes of "30 Rock" and debating whether or not to go to the Red Riding trilogy at IFC Center this weekend
Reading: Re-reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog
Wearing: A Rodarte for Target dress, a cardigan, tights, boots.
Wanting: Why does filmmaking have to be such a headache sometimes?
This song is so groooooovvvvvvy:
+ Liz
Listening: Led Zeppelin, Houses of the Holy
Watching: Freaks and Geeks for the zillionth time
Reading: Patti Smith's book still
Wearing: Last night it was cold enough to wear my thinking cap! So I did. People say the weirdest shit to you when you put on a faux leopard fur trapper hat and walk around.
Wanting: Elsewhere on the Internet, I just confessed my lifelong wish to get hit in the face with a pie. But it has to be a cream pie. "that would suck, to get hit in the face with an apple pie instead of a cream pie," was my follow-up comment.
A clip of the legendary "Three's Company" pie fight, which weirdly plays "What You Say" by Loon anytime anyone gets hit:
+ Laura Jane
Listening: Mostly that Wu-Tang/Beatles mash-up
Watching: The season premiere of LOST, which was confusing. Yet awesome!
Reading: Some Country Houses and Their Owners, by James Lees-Milne, which is boring. Yet lovely! It's about how Mr. Lees-Milne travelled around to many an English mansion, and then wrote about it, diary-style. It's a tad lifeless. I want to write this book over again.
Wearing: "Little Red Riding Hood in a Canada Goose Parka", which is more of a "life concept" than a "fashion concept." My fashion concept is "Laura Jane Faulds: blurring the line between Sexy Secretary and Slutty Secretary since Wednesday, February 3rd!"
Wanting: Beatles-themed Tarot cards; for my life to be a little more 101 Dalmatians-esque; Paul McCartney's cell phone number; a long-term committed relationship with Dr. Jack Shepherd of LOST fame
Tags: Anglophilia, Dr. Jack Shepherd, filmmaking, Freaks and Geeks, Led Zeppelin, LOST, Patti Smith, Paul McCartney, pie fights, Red Riding trilogy, Rodarte, sexy secretary chic, thinking caps, Three's Company
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+ Posted by Laura in Snapshot | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (9)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Kat & LJ Investigate: Is Astrology Real? (January 2010)
Kat Asharya and Laura Jane Faulds, intrepid astro-explorers and fellow Cancerians, continue in their joint mission to explore the ponderous and potentially life-shaking question of "IS ASTROLOGY REAL?" Vis-a-vis a side-by-side comparison of the vicissitudes of their lives next to the predictions of the ever-monolithic Susan Miller of astrologyzone.com, Kat & LJ have not yet drawn conclusions, despite two months of observation. Is Susan Miller full of shit? Does astrology work? In month three, will we pull more closely to a definitive answer? Read onwards, star children...
SUSAN MILLER SAYS:The December 31 / January 1 lunar eclipse will also help you update your self-image, especially if you have been seeing yourself in an outdated way.
LJ: Firstly: yes. Secondly...
Something that happened in 2009 was that Laura Jane from nogoodforme infamously recovered from anorexia on the Internet. It was hard for her, as she is me. I, and probably you, am (/are) unfortunately part of a deranged post-post-post-x-infinity-modern counterculture that fetishisizes the anorexic female body. I lived in that body for three years, and that body afforded me the right to self-identify as a Great Beauty of My Time. Maybe you're thinking right now this girl's a hyperbolic wackjob and that's not really how it is, but you know what? That's really how it is. I was sad and starving, but I was always "the prettiest girl in the room," and that feeling was addictive enough to keep me sick for as long as I was. I decided last November that I was sick of being hungry all the time, so I started eating, and then I gained a bunch of weight, and then I spent all December freaking out that no boy would ever like me again now that I'm no longer an emaciated mouse-elf Audrey Hepburn orphan boy beauty. In January I am OVER IT, and have also come to terms with the fact that I got a weird eye infection last September which has rendered my poor eyes allergic to mascara and contact lenses. So now I wear a size eight, and glasses, and that's me, and it's so good. Your hero John Lennon wore glasses too Laura JANE.
Kat: I have no idea what this means. I did buy some new clothes, though.
SUSAN MILLER SAYS:You will also get against-all-odds help from officials based in academia.
LJ: This is no way relates to me or my life. I threw it in because Kat goes to grad school, so I figured it will probably apply to her. Kat? Am I right?
Kat: This is so wrong that it isn't even funny. Officials in academia: YOU SUCK AND YOU ALMOST RUINED THE SHORT FILM I SHOT IN JANUARY. How much fucking money do I pay to you, Columbia University? And why is it SO GODDAMN HARD to shoot anything on campus?!!!!!!! Why the fuck do you have total wackjobs in charge of such complicated endeavors? REALLY, COLUMBIA, YOU ARE SUCH A GODDAMN SCAM!!!!!!
+ Continue reading "Kat & LJ Investigate: Is Astrology Real? (January 2010)"
Tags: Cancerians, eating disorder recovery, Is Astrology Real, Kat Asharya, Laura Jane Faulds, Susan Miller, The Karmic Dude Restoration Project
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Heavy Rotation: D.Lissvik, The Replacements, Patti Smith, Them, Jill & the Boulevards, Margo Guryan
D.Lissvik, "B2"
Sometimes pursuing a musical interest is like climbing up a tree. You start branching out, going here and there and up and up -- and then suddenly you look around and realize that there's no way you're going to get back down to earth easily. Tortured metaphors aside, lately I'm obsessed with anything and everything related to Studio, the Swedish electro duo I HR'd awhile back. Dan Lissvick is one half of Studio, and clearly he bringing a more meditative take to the Balearic good times. This is kind of shroomtastic, but it's also perfectly graphic-designercore, what with the pristine production and overall sleekness. Not to mention the latest entry into my ongoing Spiritual Scandinavia project. (Kat)
+ Continue reading "Heavy Rotation: D.Lissvik, The Replacements, Patti Smith, Them, Jill & the Boulevards, Margo Guryan"
Tags: 8-year olds, akfadjfakjdf, chocolate caramel marshmallow hearts, Columbia Record Club, crushes, D.Lissvick, D.Lissvik, dating, ex-dudes, faking it till you make it, good love karma, graphic-designercore, jack knives, Jill & the Boulevards, love, Margo Guryan, misheard lyrics, Patti Smith, Russia, shrooms, Studio, The Replacements, the Replacements, Them, Twitter
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+ Posted by Kat in Heavy Rotation | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (4)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
RIP J.D. Salinger
On the day J.D. Salinger died, I prophetically Wikipediaed J.D. Salinger's zodiac sign. J.D. Salinger was a Capricorn, and I came really close to Twittering something along the lines of "Non-surprise of the Century: J.D. Salinger is a New Year's Day Capricorn," but then I decided against it, because I have a high standard when it comes to Twittering, and it didn't make the cut.
The next day, the world found out J.D. Salinger died, and I Twittered, "I came really close to Twittering about JD Salinger being a Capricorn yesterday. I would have seemed so prophetic," and then I Twittered, "It's not that sad that a 91 year old died of natural causes in my opinion," which is still my opinion. In my opinion, a 91-year-old dying of natural causes is about as sad as a baby being born on New Year's Day; that is to say, not sad at all.
Later that day, my Dad e-mailed me J.D. Salinger's New York Times obit. I like New York Times obits, I hope to have one myself someday! It pains me that I'll never get to read it. J.D.'s NYT obit featured the following quote from the also-great John Updike (Pisces): "Salinger loves the Glasses more than God loves them." John Updike then goes on to say some semi-mean shit about J.D., like "He loves them to the detriment of artistic moderation," but I disagree. I would deem such love an advantage.
When J.D. Salinger died, I re-read Seymour: An Introduction and most of Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters, the latter of which is my absolute favourite, of all the books, ever. I love J.D. Salinger's italics-dependency. I accidentally ripped it off from him, over the years. The years. But mostly I love about J.D. Salinger what everybody loves about J.D. Salinger: his specificity, and his remarkable ability to capture, to revere, the dumb-lucky sweetness which underscores the banality of human existence and interactions. Like when Boo Boo Glass just about dies at just about everything, or when the Matron of Honor clutches at her handbag like it's her dolly.
And that's the LOVE. And I think to deny that love is worse than artistic detriment, I think it's artistic DEATH, which is a ton sadder than a 91-year-old dying of natural causes. I love J.D. Salinger, and I don't mind that he died. I get a real kick out of having my heroes be dead; I find it freeing, actually.
I will now spend the rest of my life trying to match the absurd beauty of the following paragraph:
"Let him come out of this a trifle high. But what kind of high? High, I think, like someone you love coming up on the porch, grinning, grinning, after three hard sets of tennis, victorious tennis, to ask you if you saw that last shot he made. Yes."
Tags: artistic death, death, In Memoriam, JD Salinger, John Updike, Twitter, writing
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+ Posted by Laura in In Memoriam | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (1)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Patti Smith & The Fellow With The Cowboy Mouth
Last week I attended three events at which Patti Smith read from her beautiful book Just Kids, which you will BUY RIGHT NOW and never want to stop reading. Of all the stories she told, my favorite's about this babe named Slim Shadow, who played drums in the Holy Modal Rounders: Patti first meets him backstage at one of his shows in 1970, asks to interview him for Crawdaddy, and then he keeps showing up at her door to take her out for late-night strolls around New York City. One day, when Patti's just been told she's anemic and needs to eat some red meat, she goes out and steals a couple of steaks from Gristede's, runs into Slim on the street, walks around with him a while before admitting she's got two raw steaks in her pocket. They go back to her room and fry the meat on a hot plate, and a few days later he takes her out for lobster at Max's Kansas City, where Patti worries that "this handsome hillbilly might not have the money to pay the check." The punchline's when Patti wraps up a lobster claw in a napkin to bring to Jackie Curtis in the bathroom, and it's revealed that Slim Shadow is really Sam Shepard, the hot-shot playwright/actor/Obie-winner. Patti goes back to the table and Slim owns up to his true identity, then gets her a vanilla sundae with chocolate sauce. The best part's when he says "Eat your ice cream, Patti Lee." He "drawls like W.C. Fields"; he's "the fellow with the cowboy mouth."
Of course, Patti tells it a trillion times better. And she and Sam/Slim look lots sweeter in this shot than the one above, but I'm such a sucker for some Buddy Holly graffiti. But all that matter is you need to BUY THIS BOOK, and then tell me what's your favorite part. Cool?
Tags: 1970, books, ice cream sundaes, love, New York City, Patti Smith
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+ Posted by Liz in Random Picture Entry | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (3)
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Chrysalis Is A Sheltered State of Being From Which The Butterfly Emerges, Resplendent
Once, I told you the story about when I went drunken nightswimming in the desert with someone who's almost-family with Paul McCartney. That night I was wearing a necklace with a giant rhinestone butterfly, and the someone said something special about what the necklace might mean, and I was in love with him a little. Then, not too many months later, the necklace broke, probably symbolically. Now that three years have passed I think it's high time I replaced it, possibly with one of these beauties:
(Top to bottom, L to R: antique pendant necklace with Czech rondelles by Val Vanias Art, amber butterfly necklace by FriendlyPairings, vintage butterfly necklace by Pam Kerr, vintage green stone butterfly by Susana Speidel, Spring Glimmer necklace by CC's Designs)
Tags: butterflies, love, necklaces, nightswimming, Paul McCartney, resplendence, transcendence
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+ Posted by Liz in Imaginary Shopping Spree | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (3)
