WEIRD LONG-SLEEVED MINI-DRESSES WITH ANIMALS ON THEM
All I want in the world right now, apart from those fucking Starbucks Polar Bear cookies Laura’s got the whole world so obsessed with, is a long-sleeved mini-dress in either black or navy blue. It would have buttons down the front and maybe a butterfly collar – very Late-’70s Kindergarten Teacher Chic. I’m hoping my dream dress is anxiously awaiting me in some thriftstore somewhere, as all my online searching has thus far been fruitless (much in the same way that all my Starbucks-searching has thus far been bearless). Yesterday it led me to FarFetch.com and these three odd frocks that have nothing to do with Late-’70s Kindergarten Teacher Chic but still kinda catch my fancy nonetheless: The Antonio Berardi velvet ram head dress is cool because Ram is a good album, and “the ram” is my college mascot, and rams are a little like goats and I’m a Capricorn. I haven’t owned any black velvet since I was 17 and had this crushed-velvet babydoll dress I’d wear with my black-and-white Wicked Witch of The East tights – which was a mistake, but maybe it’s time to correct it. The Beyond The Valley dress is velvet too but with lions instead of rams, and it’s slightly Mrs. Roper-esque but maybe in a good way. And the JC de Castelbajc horse sweater dress is nothing I’d ever wear, even in my imaginary life, but I’m such a sucker for any clothing item that’s got protruding animal ears. Like, a few winters ago I used to wear a hat with kitty-cat ears and when I’d take it off the dude downstairs would cup his hands around his mouth and shout “Hello?! Can you still hear me?!” and it was all pretty adorable. (Liz)
SOME CLOTHES TO MATCH MY LUNGS BY
I have no concrete opinions about anything. I am always down to have my mind changed.
“Black is boring and depressing and I would never wear it,” I idiotically incanted, once upon a time, back when I was dumb (-er than I am now). How arbitrary, Past Laura. Yes, it’s true: black is way less chirpy and vivacious than, say, yellow. But black is also dignified, sexy, Yoko Ono-esque, and conveniently easy to look awesome in.
A great deal of my past aversion to wearing black was tied very tightly to how women will perceive it as the official colour (non-colour) of “hating your body.” While suffering from anorexia, I derived much false empowerment from feeling exempt from this mentality. My body (non-body) was so emaciated that I had no real need to “slim it down” with all-black; it has been a major transition for me to no longer feel as though I am able to wear anything, to go shopping and have clothes look bad on me, or not fit, or call attention to parts of my body that I am uncomfortable with. My first post-skeletor shopping trips were some of the most punitive and self-loathing of my life, and I found myself gravitating toward clothing either black or grossly oversized, which is no fun, and what’s the point of fashion if it’s no fun?
But, my greater point here is: what the fuck evs, Dudes. Yes, it’s true: black makes you look skinnier. But this is not black’s fault, and, out of all the reasons to wear black, “hiding your body inside of it” is majorly the least fun. So let’s reclaim black. Let’s all wear tons of black, because black makes you look elegant, badass, WOMANLY, and totally punk-rock early Beatles cool. It’s also really ideal for lazy writers who are too lazy to dress up like a psychedelic tomboy anymore because they are too busy being a brilliant writer and living life and so on and so forth.
The black Zucca minidress pictured at left would look so cute on me!!!! Especially on a DATE with my HOT GIRLFRIEND LAURA JANE. It would be wildly weird and sick with the velvet faux-fox stole at center. Do you think creepy dead-fox fox-fur stoles are sort of awesome in a nostalgi-Satanic way, but also don’t wear fur because it’s fucked up and cruel? I do! And don’t. So this would be really ideal for all those times I go out to the opera in 1915 and feel out of place without one. Lastly, the silk cropped shirt at right pretty much epitomizes the concept of Lazy Sexy Writer Chic; I basically want to spend the entire rest of my life wearing that shirt with ripped-up jeans and Beatle boots and drinking wine and eating POLAR BEAR COOKIES and smoking cigarettes and, like, WRITING. (Laura “Baby’s Back in Black” Jane)
Liz, I have been dying to find exactly the same kind of dress but apparently they don’t exist.
Laura Jane, black is basically the only colour I wear but now that you have described it as Yoko-Ono-esque everytime I get dressed in the morning I will hate myself.
Rebecca, maybe instead you should learn to love Yoko Ono! Yoko Ono is my third-favourite Beatle.
LIZ WOULDN’T IT BE SO HOT IF WE WORE OUR THINKING CAPS AND THAT HORSE DRESS AND THE FOX STOLE AT THE SAME TIMEEEE
keep the faith, rebecca!
lj: yes, and we should also wear zebra-striped tights and some kind of fuzzy slippers with animals on them, like these moose head slippers i used to have when i was little.
zebra-striped tiiiiiiights?
could nogoodforme perhaps donate me such an item of clothing? much thanks.
[...] you a picture of a freakily awesome but stupidly expensive sweater, like the one horse sweater that Liz blogged about some time ago. And rather than let some totally WTF price point get you down, you just go and MAKE ONE JUST LIKE [...]